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OBIT

Leading Article


Obit is short for obituary. From latin obitus, dead.
The obit (obituary column) is that spot in newspapers where death notices are released.


Every minutes that pass on billions of earthlings die across the planet, some in wars, some from illness, injuries, oldness or boredom. Only a very few of them manage to reach the beyond. The bulk of others end up in mere ash or dust.


Gymglish users are not worth that such dull fate. I'd like to be so pleased as to welcome them into the paradise (or in the hell across our eternal path as they'd like it. I'd show them the way.) Therefore I need to be kept informed of their death. This obit column is fit for.


As soon as you pass away post your death notice here.
Of course you can also post notices of relatives' or friends' deaths, real of fictional. Mind you! Don't post death notices of fictional Gymglish characters, they might really pass away. That would be a great loss, ain't that right?


When you decide to give it up, post it up.

12 comments

  • Given the hype that's on today about the wreckage of a hot air balloon, I guess that an obit notice will soon be released. Not about Horatio, the fittest man for extreme feats. Who will be said dead? Survivors are lucky bastards (as would say the Lucky Bastard roaming about these days on the forum).


    A night VFR flight over sea conducted by a non-licensed blind drunk pilot-in-command is a feat that had never been reported yet.
  • Reading the obit of LAtimes this evening I feared to learn the worst about the Delavigne staff whose hot air balloon ditched in the Pacific ocean last Friday. But I felt relieved when I learnt it was the story of a man that had stowed away onto the Delavigne’s balloon. (Latimes is a local newspaper of Los Angeles I’m used to reading daily.) Here is the death notice.


    STOWAWAY, Nemo
    July 29th, 2007, around 2 p.m., a patrol boat of the LA Coast Guard Rescue Team fished out the body of a man drifting 40 NM offshore the Californian coast. The head and left leg were missing. All information cross-checked it was proved that the corpse was that one of a passenger of the hot air balloon commanded by the CEO of Delavigne Corp that crashed two days ago in irregular circumstances. But a DNA analysis carried on by the forensic section of the District Attorney’s Crime Lab Advisory Board of Los Angeles concluded the corpse was none of the Delavigne staff on board of the wrecked balloon.
    Investigators stated it was one of a stowaway. Latino illegal immigrant, he was queuing Friday early morning in a throng of mostly Latino immigrants lining up for free help filling out the applications forms as to avoid the increased fees scheduled for Monday. To escape the police, he stowed away into the gondola of Delavigne’s hot air balloon.
    The dead man, whose name is unknown, will purportedly be named Nemo Stowaway as a name is compulsory to attend one’s own funerals.
    A brief funeral will be held on Tuesday, July 31 at 3:00 p.m. at the crematorium with a scattering back of the ashes in the ocean.
    May God rest the head!
    May shark digest the left leg!
    May the ocean soak what’s left!
  • Sorry, Gee. You're off the mark! Heads never pass on to the beyond. Only souls can manage to do it.
    The accepted way of saying that formal expression is: May God rest his soul!


    About the future of the Delavigne staff that's reported as being "chance for survival slim to none", I'm pleased to tell you that until now none of them has come on here over. Maybe the story is about to go on. Who'd have been expecting the story to end up of overall drowning?
    God bless them! God bless you!
  • You don't host heads in the beyond?
    What will happen at the last resurrection of corpses?
    As your are an angel, I suppose that you believe all that funny stories.
  • Believe only half of what you're yearning for and nothing that you hear.


    Always stick to that motto, Gee, and you'll never be conned.
  • Lame Scapgot has died.


    Lame Scapgot, the hero of the every day struggling, has died in Pittsburry. He was 33. Lame's body was found by police Friday 3 hanged from a branch in the family home backyard.
    Scapgot was not the ruler, with a wife holding the real power during most of their marital journey. For long yet a voice inside his head was telling him to just let the whole thing drop. So, to untie the knot he tied long ago with Dolores Ironlady, he made a slipknot in a rope he had bought the day before at the corner hardware store. The best way to break one’s neck and break up with one’s torturer.
    In addition to his wife, Scapgot is survived by his daughters Clara and Melania, both muses
    of their father’s long ordeal.
    There was no immediate word on funeral arrangements, if there are.
  • Senkekwe has died.


    Senkekwe has been killed in concert with Mburanumwe and two female siblings in mid-July in the Virunga National Park along the eastern border of the Democratic Republic of Congo.


    The rangers protecting the park found Mburanumwe lying dead on her side, a small pink tongue protruding slightly from her lips. She was pregnant and her breasts were already engorged with milk for the upcoming baby.
    Two female siblings of her were found killed in thickets nearby.
    The day later the rangers discovered Senkekwe, the 300 kilos silverback mountain gorilla, the alpha male of a family of 12, spots of blood speckling his fur.
    The funeral procession of porters rounded the final hill and trooped into camp. They gently set down the wooden frame they had carried for miles and with it, the very symbol of the African jungle, Senkekwe. A park warden stepped forward and thundered: “What man could do this?” He answered himself: “Not even a beast would do this.”


    Further details on the slaughter are available at extra.Newsweek.com previous issue dated Aug. 6, 2007.
    Condolences are to be e-mailed to editors@newsweek.com with the writer’s name and address.


    Warning: this is NOT a hoax.
  • 30 years to the day.


    August 16, 2007: 30 years to the day.
    August 16, 1977, an unconscious Elvis Presley is rushed to Baptist Memorial Hospital around 3 p.m. Despite efforts to revive him, Presley is subsequently pronounced dead.


    Don’t miss to queue at Elvis gravesite, Graceland estate, Memphis, Tennessee, to pay homage to the king by rocking at Elvis songs.
    “Some people tap their feet, some people snap their fingers, and some people sway back and forth. I just sorta do ‘em all together, I guess.” Elvis 1956.
    See you there over.
  • A near miss by Rose.


    Last Tuesday Aug. 21, Rose Bampton died in Bryn Mawr, Pa, USA, at 99,999.
    She had been called a versatile opera singer because she switched back and forth between mezzo and soprano during the course of her career mainly spent at the Met where she had made her debut in 1932. The range of her voice was wide and large, not only as tessitura but especially with her considerable artistic arsenal that included a strong, finely flexible voice. She got cast for a great variety of opera parts.
    Until her last moments she secretly nurtured the hope of being hired by the GymGlish CEO to be cast in several roles of the Delavigne Corporation, notably the female duplication of Doctor Loblow and other most unrealistic characters that enliven the corporation. But last Tuesday coming to think she was about to switch to another century, she threw in the towel. She near missed to be 100 by a couple of minutes.
    In the world life there are no immediate survivors.
    On the Delavigne’s stage there are a lot of accurate simulators.




    [Met - abbr. for The Metropolitan Opera, New-York]
    Warning: This is partially true.

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