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jokes from home by the sea

User since 2008
Posts: 2

11 Feb. 2008

1.
Two ducks go on their honeymoon and stay in a hotel. As they are about
to make love, the male duck says, ''Oh, we haven't got any condoms. I'll
ring down to room service.'' He calls and asks for some condoms.

The woman says, ''OK sir, would you like to put them on your bill?''

''No,'' he says, ''I'll suffocate!''

2.
An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Naples went to the
> local church for confession.
>
> When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said,
> Father during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and
> asked me to hide her from the Germans. So I hid her in my attic.
>
> The priest replied, that was a wonderful thing you did, my son! And you
> have no need to confess that.
>
> It's worse than that, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favors
> every day and twice on weekends.
>
> The priest said, By doing that, you were both in great danger. However,
> two people under those circumstances can be very tempted to act that
> way. But if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven.
>
> Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. But I do have one
> more question.
>
> And what is that? asked the priest.
>
> Should I tell her the war is over?

1. 
 Two ducks go on their honeymoon and stay in a hotel. As they are about 
 to make love, the male duck says, ''Oh, we haven't got any condoms. I'll 
 ring down to room service.'' He calls and asks for some condoms.  
 
 
 The woman says, ''OK sir, would you like to put them on your bill?''  
 
 
 ''No,'' he says, ''I'll suffocate!''  
 
 
 2. 
 An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Naples went to the 
 > local church for confession. 
 > 
 > When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, 
 > Father during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and 
 > asked me to hide her from the Germans. So I hid her in my attic. 
 > 
 > The priest replied, that was a wonderful thing you did, my son! And you 
 > have no need to confess that. 
 > 
 > It's worse than that, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favors 
 > every day and twice on weekends. 
 > 
 > The priest said, By doing that, you were both in great danger. However, 
 > two people under those circumstances can be very tempted to act that 
 > way. But if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven. 
 > 
 > Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. But I do have one 
 > more question. 
 > 
 > And what is that? asked the priest. 
 > 
 > Should I tell her the war is over?

4 comments

Mischka
User since 2008
Posts: 1
11 Feb. 2008

Bush went on a short trip through China. In very good mood, as usual, he asked one of his chinese fellows: "Hey, boy, do you have elections in your country?".

The man was very happy, that he could answer immediately: "Oh yes, evely molning."
Bush went on a short trip through China. In very good mood, as usual, he asked one of his chinese fellows: "Hey, boy, do you have elections in your country?". The man was very happy, that he could answer immediately: "Oh yes, evely molning."
Bruno B.
User since 2008
Posts: 1
12 Feb. 2008

Bush and Blair are in conference. Chirac come in :
"Hello Georges W. and Tony, what do you do, now?
- We are preparing the 3rd World War.
- Ok! And what will be the first actions?
- We'll kill 3 millions of muslims in the wolrd and one informatician.
- Why one informatician?
- You're understanding, Georges W.? Nobody will take care of Muslims!"
Bush and Blair are in conference. Chirac come in : "Hello Georges W. and Tony, what do you do, now? - We are preparing the 3rd World War. - Ok! And what will be the first actions? - We'll kill 3 millions of muslims in the wolrd and one informatician. - Why one informatician? - You're understanding, Georges W.? Nobody will take care of Muslims!"
Eka
User since 2008
Posts: 2
13 Feb. 2008

Hello Bruno and Mischka!
Here is an apolitical joke for you both.
A boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has been given a part in the school play. "wonderful" says the mother, "what part is it?" The boy says, " I play the part of the husband!" His mother scowles and says: "go and tell your teacher you want a speaking part".
cheers Eka
Hello Bruno and Mischka! Here is an apolitical joke for you both. A boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has been given a part in the school play. "wonderful" says the mother, "what part is it?" The boy says, " I play the part of the husband!" His mother scowles and says: "go and tell your teacher you want a speaking part". cheers Eka
Christophe Louis
User since 2008
Posts: 2
20 Feb. 2008

A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the waiter:
'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair -- given that you are blind -- that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 185 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters,

'No... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the waiter: 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair -- given that you are blind -- that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. 2. The bouncer is a blonde girl. 3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 185 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter. 5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?' The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, 'No... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

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