Gymglish Users and Visitors Lounge


Joke(s) in English!

A good one (?) :


Why 6 is afraid of 7?
----> Because 7 8 9! ('Seven Eight Nine' ---> 'Seven ate Nine'!!)


Good one? Not so sure...


Peace Out!
Willy - The Security Guard of the Delavingne Corp.

76 comments - page 2

  • Hey, Menehune!
    I thought about this for you.


    « Still waters run deep » is the famous idiom (méfiez vous de l’eau qui dort).


    An euphemism is a less direct phrase for one considered offensive.


    The writer invented Connie’s « waters » only as a joke, just for art’s sake.
    These extra waters make it possible to play with words in a symmetry, an opposition.
    Normally a gentleman should never call a lady a « popular girl ». Speaking about a woman as being neither still nor deep is not courteous at all. It’s even fucking weak. (c‘est même carrément nul) (I’m so sorry for the F word, I won’t do this again).
    As a plus, fast and shallow may also sound as insults against a woman.
    However all these adjectives have directly nothing to do with the woman since they are grammatically relative to the waters, the trick is hardly hidden.
    The sentence ends up with an euphemism which is supposed to make her popularity acceptable. Is this funny or definitely mean ?
    I just can’t help but smile.


    a phrase (US) = an expression (UK)
    since = because
    mean (adj. slang US) = unkind malicious bastard
  • A so-called stripping one


    Clydebank, a city not far from Glasgow, Scotland. Friday morning.


    Angus calls in to see his friend Donald to find he is stripping the wallpaper from the walls.
    Rather obviously, Angus remarks: "You're decorating, I see."
    Donald replies: "Naw. I'm moving house."
  • A short British one...


    A creative writing class was asked to write a short essay containing the following elements:


    1. Religion.
    2. Royalty.
    3. Sex.
    4. Mystery.


    The prize-winning essay was: "My God," said the Queen, "I am pregnant"
  • Blackmail the mailman!


    At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying : “I know the whole truth”, even when you don't know anything.
    The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted by his mother at the front door he says, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him twenty bucks and says, “Just don't tell your father.”
    Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with : “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don't say a word to your mother.”
    Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms and says, “Then come give your dad a big hug.”
  • Blackmail the mailman! (Continued)


    What Jean-Pierre hasn't told you is that the poor father had suspected something at the time and he had taken on a detective. The latter was Chinese, he was called Chen Lee. Here is the follow-up of the story.


    Although the man didn't suspect the mailman, he suspected his wife was seeing another man, so he hired the famous Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch and report any activities while he was gone.


    A few days later he received this report:


    MOST HONOURABLE SIR,


    YOU LEAVE HOUSE. I WATCH HOUSE. HE COME TO HOUSE. I WATCH. HE ENTER HOUSE. HE AND SHE ARE IN HOUSE. HE AND SHE GO UPSTAIRS. I CLIMB TREE. I LOOK IN WINDOW. HE KISS SHE. SHE KISS HE. HE STRIP SHE. SHE STRIP HE. HE PLAY WITH SHE. SHE PLAY WITH HE. I PLAY WITH ME.... I FALL OFF TREE.
    I NO SEE.


    NO FEE,


    CHEN LEE
  • Blackmail the mailman! (Continued)


    That mess in the garden awoke the dog. And guess what? He eventually was arrested by the police.
    And why did the dog go to the court?
    Because he got a barking ticket!
    And probably, the policeman had drunk too much!
  • Blackmail the mailman! (# 4)


    Five months later, before going to school, the boy notices her mother has a big prominent belly.
    'What’s it?' he says.
    'Your father and me, we made a little brother to you, my boy', answers the mother.
    Very puzzled, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, ‘I know the whole truth’.
    The mailman says ‘You're happy to get a little brother, aren't you?’
    'No', replies the boy, ‘my mother ate him’.
  • In the wake of Jean-Pierre's blackmail (even though there not any blackmail at stake here), I found out a song by Sacha Distel "Scandale dans la famille" and by Les surfs "Oh Maman". There is an English version by Peter Tosh "Shame and scandal in the family" but I thought the English version was a bit thick, mostly as the text comes without music. That's why I made a translation of the French version for I'd be told of by Willy The Security Guard if I wrote something in French here.


    In Trinidad over there
    Lived a family.
    There was a Pa and a Ma
    And a boy who was grown.
    The boy being forty
    Wanted to have wife of his own.


    He found the girl who suited him nice.
    He went to his Papa to seek advice.
    ‘I want to marry her.’
    ‘Alas my boy, alas you may not
    Because that girl is your sister
    And your mum doesn’t know.’


    Oh Pa, what a bad luck
    What a bad luck to me.
    Oh Pa, what a scandal
    If Ma gets to know that.


    A couple of years had gone by
    As the boy came to his Pa
    Excited as a wannabe
    ‘The schoolteacher will marry me.”
    The Papa shook his head
    And told him straight ahead:
    ‘Alas my boy, you may not
    Because that girl is your sister
    And your mum doesn’t know.’


    Oh Pa, what a bad luck
    What a bad luck to me.
    Oh Pa, what a scandal
    If Ma gets to know that.


    Ten years later he came back excited
    And told his dad
    ‘Guess what I saw !
    In the next plantation
    Fifty girls have been hired
    From the nearby village.’


    Alas, alas, my poor child
    Gods are against you.
    All that girls are your sisters
    But your mum does not know.


    Running out of patience,
    He went straight away
    Tell his mum the whole truth.
    The mum burst out laughing
    And said: ‘Don’t worry!
    Your dad ain’t your dad
    But your dad does not know.’


    Oh Ma, what a good luck
    What a good luck to me.
    Oh Ma, what a scandal
    If Pa gets to know that.
  • Billy and Suzy, two young children, are at their grandparents’ place on a week long vacation.
    Before going to bed the grandma goes to Billy’s room to wish him a good night. Seeing he is in the nude, she asks: Oh why don’t you put on your pyjama?
    Well, grandma, answers Billy, be a bit up-to-date, this is the pyjama of the 21st century.
    Grandma then goes to Suzy’s room to wish her a good night. Seeing she is in the nude, she asks: Oh why don’t put on your pyjama?
    Well, grandma, answers Suzy, be a bit up-to-date, this is the pyjama of the 21st century.
    And grandma goes to her room. A while later grandpa enters the room. Seeing her wife going to bed in the nude, he says: What! You’re going naked to bed now? Why don’t you put on your pyjama?
    Well, answers the grandma, be a bit up-to-date, this is the pyjama of the 21st century.
    Upon which grandpa replied: Well, it needs an iron.
  • Why do French people eat snails?
    Because they don’t like fast food!

Please sign in to leave a comment.