Gymglish Users and Visitors Lounge


Joke(s) in English!

A good one (?) :


Why 6 is afraid of 7?
----> Because 7 8 9! ('Seven Eight Nine' ---> 'Seven ate Nine'!!)


Good one? Not so sure...


Peace Out!
Willy - The Security Guard of the Delavingne Corp.

76 comments - page 4

  • A driven one?


    A motorist driving through the country stopped for a hitch-hiker who was holding the halter of a cow.
    I can give you a lift, he said, but I can’t take your cow.
    Don’t worry, said the hitch-hiker, she’ll follow us in her own time.
    So the hitch-hiker got in and the motorist started up.
    He drove at 15 miles an hour and the cow trotted along behind him.
    He drove at 25 miles an hour and the cow was still trotting along behind him.
    He drove at 50 miles an hour yet the cow was somehow managing to keep pace with him.
    But he noticed in his mirror that the cow seemed to be tiring, as her tongue was hanging out of her mouth.
    I’m worried about your cow, said the motorist to his passenger, her tongue is hanging out of her mouth to the right.
    Oh that’s all right, said the hitch-hiker, that means she’s going to overtake.
  • From Gee:
    A really French one.


    There are a lot of people in France who'd like to learn English.
    Some ring at the right door and run the Gymglish.
    Some other ring at a wrong door where they have been told they would learn English in a three days time.
    Jean went to such a wrong door.
    He rang the bell.
    The door opened wide and he got casually showed in by a "Between.."




    Only witty French talking people are able to understand this story.
    British or American should use an English-French dictionary to get at it.

     
    To add : He rang the bell and asked : Are you the english teacher ?
    And the teacher answered : If, if!! Between !
  • After a few minutes another lady (who looked like the teacher) entered the room and the teacher said to the student: "May I introduce you to the secretary. Incidentally, she is also my binocular sister" Then...
  • This is not actually a joke. It's a piece of advice for people who don't run the software "love" on their computer. Until a while ago I didn't. Since I got it from a friend, the program is now running bliss.
    Do you?
    If not, read the recorded call phone I had with the tech support.


    Installing 'Love'


    The phone rings...


    Tech Support: Yes, how can I help you?


    Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me through the process?


    Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?


    Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?


    Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?


    Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?


    Tech Support: What programs are running?


    Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.


    Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?


    Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?


    Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.


    Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?


    Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.


    Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error – Program not run on external components." What should I do?


    Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.


    Customer: So, what should I do?


    Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.


    Customer: Okay, done.


    Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty our Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely
    gone and never comes back.


    Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is
  • from gago lahcen i m Moroccan i want to improve my english
  • From gago:
    from gago lahcen i m Moroccan i want to improve my english

     
    That's a joke indeed, gago.
    For before being able to walk you've to learn to crawl.
    (Avant de pouvoir marcher il faut apprendre à ramper.)
    Babes go on their hands and knees before going on their two legs.
    First get the ABCs (les bb.a.-ba).
    And after do improve them.
    You have got a good basis yet.
    Just correct your sentence this way: I'm Moroccan. I want to improve my English.
    Come over to the talking corner, gago. We'll have a chat.
    Tell me why you want to speak English.
  • Three little ones.
    But is it worth it ?


    A good selling point
    Come and live on Earth! It's quite expensive, but it does include a trip around the Sun every year.


    A demanding school
    Lily, 6, comes home after her first day at school.
    So, asks her mother, what did you learn?
    Not enough, replies Lily. They want me to go back tomorrow.


    Unsurprising
    Two grizzly bears are shuffling down the aisle of a supermarket doing their shopping. One turns to the other and says 'Quiet in here today, isn'it?'
  • Mouse gives its cue.


    A man who was very hard up put a picture of a chunk of cheese in his mousetrap, to save money.
    Next morning, he checked the trap and could see it had worked: he'd caught a picture of a mouse.
  • Here an other one, I'm myself french by the way...






    3 persons are going to an interview for a job in England.


    The recruiting officer tells them: 'You have to make a sentence with theses three words: green, pink, yellow.'


    The spanish guys starts: 'I wake up in the morning, I eat a yellow banana, a green pepper and in the evening I watch the Pink Panther on TV.'


    Then, the german guys follows: 'I wake up in the morning, I see the yellow sun, the green grass and I think to myself: I hope it will be a pink day.'


    And, at least, the french guys says: 'I wake up in ze mornink, I hear ze phone:
    green green green ! I pink up ze phone and I say "Yellow?'
  • Wasn't so easy for me to understand that joke... and I am french... which means I have a great sense of "humour"
    By the way... read the book "Talk to the snail" written by Stephen Clarke (Batam Press) very drole...


    From Gee:
    A really French one.


    There are a lot of people in France who'd like to learn English.
    Some ring at the right door and run the Gymglish.
    Some other ring at a wrong door where they have been told they would learn English in a three days time.
    Jean went to such a wrong door.
    He rang the bell.
    The door opened wide and he got casually showed in by a "Between.."




    Only witty French talking people are able to understand this story.
    British or American should use an English-French dictionary to get at it.

     

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