Gymglish Users and Visitors Lounge

Joke(s) in English!

A good one (?) :

Why 6 is afraid of 7?
----> Because 7 8 9! ('Seven Eight Nine' ---> 'Seven ate Nine'!!)

Good one? Not so sure...

Peace Out!
Willy - The Security Guard of the Delavingne Corp.

76 comments - page 5

  • Donald Duck wants to go off on holiday.
    He thinks to himself “I have webbed feet. My duck-wife has webbed feet. All my ducklings are web-footed.”
    Where do you think they’ll be going to?

    …the seaside.

    Teddy Bear wants to go off on holiday.
    He thinks to himself “I have thick hair. My bear-wife has thick hair. All my bear cubs are thick-haired.”
    Where do you think they’ll be going to?

    …the mountains.

    Mansa-crocodile wants to go off on holiday.
    He bawls around “I have a large loud-mouth. My crocodile-wife has a large loud-mouth. My crocodile offspring are large-loud-mouthed. Where do you think we’ll be going to?”


  • Sorry for this one dear Guardian Angel!

    Rocco Siffredi( who has starred in over 1300 pornographic films) happened to die late at night on the same day as the Pope.
    When R.S. (used to being on seventh heaven!) got to Paradise, St Peter was half asleep and he told him:" OK, come in. I'll see you in the morning". A few minutes later,an elderly man knocked on the door when St Peter was about to go to bed. He told the old chap:"Sorry. No vacancies. We can't put you up tonight, go straight down, they'll accommodate you over there". The Pope obeyed and arrived in...Hell.When he realised where he was,he explained to the tipsy Devil who he was,all he had been doing for the whole world throughout his life. The sympathetic (=understanding) Devil said:"I understand, there must be a problem; stay here for one night and I'll send a text message to St Peter in the morning".So he did:the next day, the Devil texted St Peter who replied at once: " We might do a deal:you can send the old chap but you must agree to take on a younger unruly one in exchange".The deal was clinched.
    On his way up, the Pope met R.S who was going down to Hell. The former (=the Pope) told the latter (R.S.):" I am deeply happy: at long last, I am going to see the person I have prayed, honoured and loved all my life long: Virgin Mary.
    R.S comforted the Pope saying:"Sorry dear but if you wanted to see VIRGIN Mary, you should have come yesterday afternoon".
  • A poor woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to Spain, they name him Juan; the other goes to a family in Egypt and is named Ahmal.
    Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
    Upon what her husband responds 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'
  • At the end of World AIDS Day, which is not ,as you know, just about raising money, but also about increasing awareness, fighting prejudice and improving education , I want to tell you a little joke about a chap who IS aware of the need to protect himself and his partner.

    So, this young man goes to the chemist’s to buy condoms (or French letters!). As there is a wide range of condoms, he is a bit puzzled at first and he asks for the chemist’s advice. The friendly chemist explains the differences between the ultra-thin, the lubrified ones etc...As he is alone with the chemist, he proudly tells him that he is about to have his first dinner at his girl-friend’s parents and that he is determined to celebrate the event all night afterwards. He winks at the chemist and insists: I want to make her happy until the early hours of the next day, give me a box of 12 of “the best”.
    He is very reserved while he is having dinner at his possible future in-laws. As he eats with his head bent over his plate , she leans over his shoulder and whispers: “ I didn’t know you were so shy” and he replies: “ I didn’t know your dad was a chemist!”.
  • hA,HA, HA...
  • hA,HA, HA...
  • Getting deaf?

    At Jack & Melany’s home, December dusks make everything look old and dusty.
    Jack, 80, suspects that Melany, near 70, is getting deaf.
    Say what? He decides to test her.

    He steps back from her back by about 15 feet.
    - Sugarplum, he says, what’s on for supper?
    No answer.
    He takes one step forward and says again:
    - Sugarplum, what’s on for supper?
    No answer.
    He takes one more step forward and says again loud and clear:
    - Sugarplum, what’s on for supper?
    No answer.
    He takes two steps forward so as to stand at 1 metre from Jane and shouts:
    - Sugarplum, what’s on for supper?.
    Upon which Jane shrugs, turns round and, quiet and composed, says:
    For the fourth time I tell you "chicks and chips".

  • Getting deaf or blind, that shouldn't prevent your from spending a nice Christmas time.
    Did you know that Santa Claus in himself provides a specific test to know what stage you're reaching in life.

    There are 4 great stages in your life, the period when you believe in Santa Claus, the second dreary one when you no longer believe in Santa Claus, the one when you are Santa Claus and the one when you look more and more like Santa Claus.

    That are the 4 great moments in the life of a man - man as human being - because females run the same stages. I have been told that females are particularly good at playing Santa Claus.
    The reindeer with the red nose is also inevitably a female reindeer because males lose their antlers before winter whereas females get it a bit longer. So Santa's reindeer that's wearing antlers is a female whose reins are hold by a female.
    That's a true picture of our world where females, if not pulling the strings, are holding the reins.
  • As the Delavigne Corporation had financially backed the Mount Sinai Hospital in San Francisco, its staff had been invited to visit the Mental Department. They were hosted by the Chief Psychiatrist himself.

    Jean Marron, a valuable contributor of the employ of the Delavigne’s, asked the doctor on which basic criterion he decided to confine a patient to the Mental Section.

    Here you are, said the Chief Psychiatrist. This tub is full of water. We hand out the patient a spoon, a cup and a bucket asking to empty the water out of the tub.

    Oh! I understand, said Jean, a normal person will chose the bucket which is bigger than the spoon and the cup.

    Not at all, said the doctor. A normal person would just yank off the stopper. Which kind of room do you choose, Mister Marron, with or without tub?
  • Did you heard how did the Jews inherit the ten commandments? It’s a long story.

    God went to the Arabs and told them: “I have commandments in store for you that will raise up your living.”
    The Arabs asked: “What kind of a trick is it?"
    God said: “It's no trick. That are rules of life.”
    The Arabs: “Can you give some example?”
    God: “You won’t kill.”
    The Arabs: Not to kill? No interested! Clear off!

    God went to the Blacks and told them: “I have commandments in store for you that will raise up your living.”
    The blacks asked for an example and God said: “Honour your father and mother.”
    The Blacks said: “We don’t know who is our father. No interested. Clear off!”

    Upon what he went to Mexicans and told them: “I have commandments in store for you that will raise up your living.”
    The Mexicans asked for an example and God said: “You won’t rob.”
    Mexicans: “Not to rob? No interested. Clear off!”

    God then went to the French and told them: “I have commandments in store for you.”
    The French: “Which kind?”
    God: “You won’t cheat on your wife.”
    The French: “No cheating on? Not interested. See farther.”

    God went to the Jews and told them: “I have commandments.”
    The Jews: “Commandments? How much is it?”
    God: “It’s free.”
    The Jews: “OK. We’ll have ten.”

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