Gymglish Users and Visitors Lounge

Joke(s) in English!

A good one (?) :

Why 6 is afraid of 7?
----> Because 7 8 9! ('Seven Eight Nine' ---> 'Seven ate Nine'!!)

Good one? Not so sure...

Peace Out!
Willy - The Security Guard of the Delavingne Corp.

76 comments - page 7

  • As Gwendo would say, this one is dully corny.

    The wife: "Soccer, soccer, soccer, that all you think about. I bet you couldn't even tell me what day we were married!"
    The man: "Yes I could. It was the day Arsenal scored 5 goals against Chelsea."

    The couple was made of a Pommie and a Yankee. Who is the Pommie and who is the Yankee?
  • I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline.
    Got a call center in Afghanistan.
    I told them I was suicidal.
    They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
  • At John F. Kennedy International Airport yesterday, a mathematics teacher was arrested trying to board while in possession of a compass, a protractor and a graphical calculator. According to law enforcement officials, he was convicted of having ties to the Al-Gebra network. He was charged with carrying weapons of math instruction. It was later discovered that he taught the students how to solve their problems with the help of radicals!
  • This one on the condition that you get along a bit with French.

    Farid is in the fourth form although he is already 18! His young English teacher is very pretty. So he decides to send her a text message:
    "douillou sink it is envisageable crak crak wiziou this ivening ?"
    Horrified she answers: “NEVER”
    Farid is thrilled and replies: "Splendid, disons never, never et demie. O K? »

    We should be able to think on our feet to understand that joke.
  • As far as you can think on your feet, read this latest.

    The guy who had said that only nitwits didn't change their mind was not a nitwit.
    Consequently he changed his mind saying that only nitwits changed their mind.
    And as he didn't want to be a nitwit he didn't change his mind any more.
  • As hunting season got open, Bill Hothead took his friend Lame Patsy to duck shooting in the peatbogs. Suddenly Lame slipped down to the ground. Lame didn't seem to move any more. He didn't seem to breathe any more. Bill grabbed his mobile phone and called the emergency service. 'My friend is dead,' he said. 'What to do?' The operator's sooth voice came with 'We can come and help but first of all, let's make sure he's dead.' There was a silence for a short while before one shot was heard. Bill came back on the line to say 'OK now, come one.'
  • After the camel convention held on this wretched funky Friday, Jones, Brian Jones, got hired by Crazy Gideon, the guy from Basrah.
    As everyone feared the worst for his fate, they visited a fortune-teller to learn what Brian would be doomed to endure.

    She stared for a while at her crystal ball and ended up saying:
    < I see Brian in a 3 weeks time. He is wearing a stripped camisole. He is sitting on a rack... hand and foot bounded... He is put to the question by 3 sturdy guards... It's now crystal clear, it's in Guantanamo.
    I can hear one of the guards saying: "As a British citizen, you are granted the priviledge of a last statement. According to what you are going to say, you will be executed or not." Silence. Oh! I see Brian opening his mouth... "God save the Queen", he says. >

    Everyone around the fortune-teller sighed: That's too bad.
    Republicans are still in power, not for long everyone hope, but will the execution be fixed after the upcoming election?
  • I'm a lazybones.

    Bright early my wife asked me: What are ya gonna do today?
    I answered: Nothing.
    My wife: But you did it yesterday yet.
    I : But I've not finished yet.
  • I'm an old man.

    I was sitting on a bench by the side of one of my elderly neighbours at the town home. Turning to me he said:
    - Gee, I am 88 and I am aching all over. Not to mention that I hardly can walk with my stick. What about you, you are as old as me, aren't you?
    - Oh yes I am, I answered. But I feel a newborn boy.
    - How the hell can you manage to feel a newborn boy?
    - Just think: hairless, toothless, ... Oops! I've just wet my pants.
  • Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I
    know why they record these conversations!):

    Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'

    Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'

    Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'

    Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went

    Operator: 'Went away?'

    Caller: 'They disappeared.'

    Operator: 'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'

    Caller: 'Nothing.'

    Operator: 'Nothing??'

    Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'

    Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'

    Caller: 'How do I tell?'

    Operator: 'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen??'

    Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'

    Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'

    Caller: 'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I

    Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'

    Caller: 'What's a monitor?'

    Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does
    it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'

    Caller: 'I don't know.'

    Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the
    power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'

    Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'

    Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged
    into the wall.

    Caller: 'Yes, it is.'

    Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were
    two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'

    Caller: 'No.'

    Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find
    the other cable.'

    Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'

    Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the
    back of your computer.'

    Caller: 'I can't reach.'

    Operator: 'OK. Well, can you see if it is??'

    Caller: 'No.'

    Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'

    Calle 'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because
    it's dark.'

    Operator: 'Dark??'

    Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is
    coming in from the window.'

    Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'

    Caller: 'I can't.'

    Operator: 'No? Why not??'

    Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'

    Operator: 'A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now.
    Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer
    came in??'

    Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'

    Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just
    like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it

    Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'

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